What 'Batman' Taught Me About Being a Good Dad -... →
I ran through my options. I could tell the boy that, hey, in comic books, dead people always come back. It’s a thing. Or I could remind him that it was just a story, that it wasn’t real. But that cynicism would undercut my secret plan. I am trying to build a good human being here, someone who will make the world better for his presence.
Ten Sexy Ladies (I start Eleven Sexy Women webblog... →
ME: Now you’re diluting my brand! SM: If your brand was any more diluted it’d run clean and clear as the tears shed by a virgin unicorn. ME: All unicorns are virgins!
Fleetwood Mac: “Monday Morning”
Auto Buds: A COUPLE-A NOTHINGS →
autobuds: The Auto Buds inbox was flooded with emails telling us that “A COUPLE-A ‘CORDS” was in fact not two Accords, but an Accord and a Civic. Thank you all for pointing it out. Cars that are not auto buds will not be tolerated here and have no place on Auto Buds. You can see those cars on the blog “Who Gives A Shit About Random Cars Parked Near Each Other”. Think of Auto Buds like Baby...
The Tallest Man on Earth: “Kids on the...
In Which Warren Beatty Is A Dirtbag For The Ages -... →
It is impossible to estimate how many women Beatty has actually been with, although some have said that it must number around four figures. Beatty maintained a variety of concurrent relationships through the one technique that never abandoned him: his superior phone conversation skills.
Apple’s Chief in the Risky Land of the Handhelds [N]ow come signs that Mr. Jobs means to take Apple back to the land of the handhelds, but this time with a device that would combine elements of a cellphone and a Palm-like personal digital assistant. Mr. Jobs and Apple decline to confirm those plans. But industry analysts see evidence that Apple is contemplating what inside the company is...
The People On This Bus →
Angry Businesswoman w/Bluetooth: It’s just a PowerPoint. How important could it be, really, in the grand scheme of things? A grand scheme that also includes you finding, for the first time in your life, a real emotional connection to another human being, unlocking a new world of mindblowing experiences you never thought possible (hint hint: Pokemon cosplay), and finding it in the unlikeliest of...
Lazy Self-Indulgent Book Reviews: The Pale King,... →
So, what I’m saying is, human fucking misery, you know? Shit’s bad. Thank non-God every day that you have good brain chemistry, if you do.
Thai Herbs and Spa: A Review →
lonelysandwich: A word of warning: at Thai Herbs and Spa they prefer you in loose clothing, so they provide an ambiguously-holed pair of pants, like scrubs for the morbidly obese that you can wear backwards as easily as forwards or both legs in one, if I prefer. And a pre-owned t-shirt with the neck cut extra, extra wide like we used to do to our Gold’s Gym sweatshirts in the 90s oh we didn’t?...
What Andrew WK's Twitter Taught Me About Life |... →
I know what you’re thinking. “Surely I can’t just live like that. There are taxes. Laws. My favorite show is on. My sports team is playing this weekend. I have to go to the dentist. I haven’t been to the gym in days. I don’t have health insurance. I have a blind date to go on. I should really start saving for Christmas presents. Everyone is unemployed. Surely life...
Irma Thomas: “It’s Raining” ...
Just North of Something Important: Masculinity →
barthel: This maybe says more about my confused conception of masculinity than about the character-design capabilities of that particular game, but anyway, point is, I named him “Straighty McPoonlikes,” and that reference has been coming up a lot lately, so I thought I should let you all know.
The Tallest Man on Earth: “Thousand...
After Dark #5: After Back to Work 8 - 5by5 →
“There’s some other things I’ll tell you, but it has to be off the air without recording.” “You’re always… always with the secrets! I should tell you more secrets. I’ve got to come up with some secrets.” “It’s not secret, it’s just private. There’s a difference.” “Is it a penis thing?” “No!...
A Day in the Future | Raptitude.com →
I went to a friend’s house, drank beer that was wheeled in from Mexico by another person I never met, and watched a sporting event as it unfolded in Philadelphia. I don’t live in Philadelphia, but my friend has a machine that lets us see what’s happening there. I have one too. Almost everyone does. The sun won’t rise for another hour, but I don’t need to light a fire or candles. I have...
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Before You Take... →
Some people using this medication will unfortunately develop the exact condition the medication is designed to prevent, only worse. The medication finds this amusing. If this happens to you, please contact your doctor for assistance. If the medication attempts to stop you from contacting your doctor, please call the number below. If there is no number below, your medication may have already...
Ten Sexy Ladies: My New Chewing Pens →
My old chewing pen was your standard classic meat-and-potatoes Paper Mate with a nice tapered end that felt good in my mouth. You know how sometimes you’ll put something in your mouth and just go: Yes. That belongs there. That is going to be in my mouth a loooong time.
WESLEY SNIPES 4 IS NO MORE
autobuds: CORRECTION: Thanks to a couple observant Auto Buds buds for notifying the Auto Buds team that these two cars are not in fact two Civics, but a Civic and an Accord. Obviously this is completely unacceptable. While it is very possible that a Civic and an Accord could be parked next to each other as buds, they are clearly not Auto Buds. [via @KenTremendous]
Manson Family Picnic: “Sounds Drifting...
The next suitable person you’re in light conversation with, you stop suddenly in...– David Foster Wallace in The Pale King (via sabbatical)
A Panoply of Song
Fleet Foxes / Helplessness Blues Placebo / Every You Every Me Counting Crows / Mrs. Potter’s Lulably Justin Bieber featuring Kanye West & Raekwon / Runaway Love (Remix) Star Slinger / Like I Do Cut Copy / Where I’m Going Foster the People / Houdini Candy Claws / Warm Forest Floor The Decemberists / June Hymn The Avett Brothers / When I Drink [live] Purity Ring / Ungirthed Bad...
Badly Drawn Boy: “The Shining”
Marco.org - Replacing the "Save" icon →
With the sophistication we have in modern hardware and software, there’s no reason anyone should ever lose any work to crashes or power outages because they forgot to hit Save for a while.
Things Come Up. →
I long for the days when it would have been universally unthinkable, in any situation, to utter the words, “Sir, I notice you have an erection. Are we okay?” Because isn’t the answer kind of obvious? No. No we are not okay. One of us is mortified beyond repair, and the other of us thought it would be cute to get a massage license instead of a graduate degree. It isn’t...
Gaius Julius CaesarStone Introduces the Roman... →
Maenad Mélange: Just because you make sacrifices on your countertop doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice style too. Sophisticated pastel blend as colorful as a garland of spring flowers wreathing the horns of a bull intended for Bacchus. Bloodstain-resistant and so beautiful you will want to gorge yourself at your kitchen counter instead of your triclinium.
The Shins: “Pink Bullets”
Midlake: “Rulers, Ruling All Things”
Bette Midler: “From a Distance” ...
This Donnybrook With Liquid Smoke →
“Listen to me very carefully,” she hisses. “You are going to assemble our cherished memories in a fun, creative, whimsical manner or hand to god I’ll take the pinking shears to that thing you call a peener.” “You call it a peener. I call it Dandy Jim. And Dandy Jim loves nothing more than glitter and glue sticks and being whimsical.”
The Automatic Gas Station Car Wash →
Anyway I was sitting there eating my gas station taco, just being me, and it occurred to me that those brushes might smash the window and then slap my face and fill the car with soapy water and I’d have to sit there in my wet, glass-covered underwear (pants off when going through a car wash, that’s a rule) and just take it and then get two more rounds of crazy spraying and then get sealant shot...
Onboarding Day! →
Tell him if he intends to blackmail you, his name will go out to every HR admin in the city. Tell him your kind sticks together. Tell him the HR network would never let one of their own take a fall for tappng a piece of ass during an onboarding.
Fire Your Dance Boy Day! →
“You know I’d keep you forever if I could,” tell him. “But I just can’t afford to be so extravagant as to have a boy in the house who just lays around naked, occasionally getting up off the floor to groove a bit. Really, I thought you’d have learned some more steps by now.”